söndag 11 januari 2009

C´mon Miracle 2009!

I have not written for quite a long time. The days has just flew by, filled with family quality time and reunion with friends. A christmas that was nice and cosy, but somewhat predictable, like all the other christmas the last 20 years, so much so that I almost dont know which present I am in. But maybe that is how it should be. I cant help to get the feeling sometimes though that I should enjoy it more than I do, and be a nice daughter and sister and shine and glow all the time with that same pure simple energy that christmas meant when I was a child. I am thankfull for those moments of clossness and joy we did have, from an old joke, or eating good food and giving or receaving a meaningful gift. And I did a lot of knitting (instead of studying), which turned out to some pretty nice gifts. One really funny thing was that my sister started to knitt, and we had some nice seasions with different tecniques.
I will soon try to upload pictures of some of the stuff that I have been finnising during the holidays and am working on at the moment by the way.

Then it was back to Malmö and some work and a new years party with dear friends and funny strangers. It was maybe not the most amazing time, but when is New Years eve ever that perfect ending and exciting begining that we want it to be? I can say that it was a whole lot better and less disapointing than many other other ones I have had.
The first week of 2009 was mostly about trying to finnish the thesis, with pretty much panic and pretty much no inspiration at all. The day before the deadline I found out that no one else is done so it is delayed by 9 days. Allthough it felt a bit annoying to not be able to let go of if yet it soon felt like it is was I need to get some new inspiration, and the time to see more what I acctually want to say with it. Now I am working on The Thesis 2.0 and hopefully it will be done and representable and passable next weekend!

So what is my hopes and plans for 2009? In the begining of a new year like this it is always expected to make some sort of closure and recall of the last year, and formulate hopes and strivings for the new one (new years promises if you wish). And I cant help but thinking a bit about it as well. The title of this posting (the first part taken from a Mirah album) is refering to the miracles I want to come this year. It doesnt have to be big, litteral miracles, just small awakenings ones. It is time for some new things to happen now. Something new and something old, that I what I hope for for this year. Some safety and some excitment.
So what my new years promises are this time, except the usuall being braver and challenge my self a bit more, are this:
Learning new knowledge and skills, listening to a lot of music that makes me shiver and smile and feel sad at the same time. Listening to music that just makes me want to dance. Trying to make the best of my creativity. Read a lot and trying to get more of my thought and ideas in to writing without being too criticall on myself. Speaking my mind and having exciting discussions with people. Having many fikas/dinners/beerdrinkingnights with friends and laughter. Being better at keeping contact regularly with people who meen a lot to me but are not close by geographically. Traveling far and near and thick of at least some of those places that I crave to see. Plus a whole lot of other small but important things that I cant remember right now. And who knows, maybe even getting an idea what I want to do with my time and to make money for a while forward, without being scared by that thought.
If I will always strive to do these things, I think this will be a pretty good year.

One miracle that I already have here, that I realised after coming back to Malmö, is our CS crowd. I cant even explain how good it feels to be able to come to where they are, after a dinner with my biological family, and feel like they are my family in a way as well. To feel welcomed and expected. It feels really good to know that I have them, to do all the crazy things we do. I dont think I need to mention it here, you who are in it know what I mean I hope. I appriciate you all in different ways, and I love our kind of unlikely, constantly upgraded unity. I am not so good a expressing these things "live", so I do it here instead. Bissous to you!

This has all been a bit sentimental maybe, but that is how I feel tonight. I will try to do better ; )

söndag 21 december 2008

Back to the Rooths!

This is my new tatoo!
Ha ha, no its not, its just a picture I found on the internet. But it is pretty dam cool!
I found it here, also a inspiering site

Isnt the title of todays post extremly cathy and funny?! Not really but I just had to.

I have been back here at my childhood suroundings of Stockholm/Södertälje for a few days now, being very lazy and comfortable. Really a bit too lazy, I have not felt like studying at all, and when I am trying to write on the thesis it just goes soooo slowly, I work for maybe one hour all together and then I feel good, pad my self a bit on the shoulder and go and do other stuff. Not very productive. But it feels like everything is a crazy mess of words and meanings and I dont know how to sort if out, and certainly not how to write it in academic language and make any sort of statement or discovery with it.
But well, never mind that now. I will work a bit on it tomorrow, and then I will have a propper christmas holiday, not looking at it for atleast 4 days.

What I have been doing these days, all since I stepped on the night buss from Malmö acctually, is knitted, knitted and knitted some more. It seems like I cant stop. But I am almost a bit feed up with it now. I have decied to give quite a lot of people knitted stuff for christmas. Partly because I dont have much money, but mostly because it is fun to do and fun to see when they get it. The funny face of people trying to hide their disapointment and the "just what I always wanted" is worht it all! No, I hope it wont be like that. It is not the most tidy things that I have made (doh!) but I think it will be a bit cute at least. I try to put up pictures of some of it after the holidays are over. I have started to learn this new tecnique that is about adding differnt squares together. It is really fun, and I am planing on doing a blanket or a big scarf like this someday. Maybe something like this window 15. Gorgerous.

Window 16-19
of my neglected but now forgotten advent calender will have to be in one big chunk, but this is really something that is so good and helpful. If anyone reads this who ever thought it would be fun to learn how to knit but find it too complicated or tricky with the instructions, you need to see this. It will be like a revolution knittwise!

Window 20 is connected to this wonderful woman, Frida Kahlo who is one of my favorite artists and ansisters. She had amazing paintings and led an amazing life as well I think, no matter all the pain. My friend Ebba gaved me the cutest little match box with her picture on yesterday, so that is how I got to think of her.

And least but not last, window 21 for today. I should probably have posted it in the begining if anyone would have liked to buy gifts from there. But better late than never. And it can also be a place to spend recived money, or why not sell any of your newly knits! Or just a place to find inspiration and be amazed by the creativity and talent of people.

Allright now, sleep tight dont let the craxy christmas stress bite!

söndag 14 december 2008

busy weekend!

Sorry, sorry, sorry that I has not posted anything in some days! But I would not be sloppy if I did not miss a few days now and then, and ultimately then not be me I guess. Think about that for a while!

It has been a pretty bussy weekend, but a good one as well filled with nice and cosy things. Nice times with friends, and ice skating and movie watching and some short notice couchsurfers from Nederlands who camed and joined our saturday night out!
Then today I got called in to work. It wasnt the best timing, since I had really been looking forward to the christmas baking that we were having with the CS group. But after having a bit if a battle with my better and worse self there in the morning when I got the question to work, the more reasonable me, who told me that I really really need the money won. I still had some time to do some qick chocolate praline stuff with the earliest bakers.
It was pretty fun to work acctually, we were a good crew there, and it was a lot of people almost all the day so the time passed quick. But I still do feel like it is time to move on from that job and try something else, challenge myself to something new again.

I should go to sleep soon, so I can get up early and get some work done with the thesis, which has been very lacking this weekend.
But of course I want to update the advent calendar first! Here is window 14. I hope you enjoy it, there is lot more of her stuff to choose from on the site. She is really one of my heroines, and I just choose one that I felt in the mood for today.
To compansate you for the day you didnt give you a window, I will put a lot of goodies in to window 11, window 12 and window 13.
This is something that I started years ago, and i havnt done anything with it since. But the words of all these, most of them forgotten, ignored and discriminated women still makes me full of hope and strenght and inspiration. I hope some of you take time to look through it, there is words that goes straight to the soul, for me at least.

Take care!

onsdag 10 december 2008

I am sorry that I did not write yesterday, I did not have any inspiration at all.
But today I am back!
And the suprise for todays advent calendar will be a beuatiful beautiful thing, from one of the countries of my dreams...Window 10.
Here is window 9 as well, from yesterday. Even for those who doesnt knitt it could be beautiful to look at, I feel in a good mood just from looking at it, and I dream of one day easily put that thing together just like she has. Dont know if that ever will happen, I keep you updated on the tries.

Yesterday was not a very good day, today was better. The sun finally came out atleast for a bit today, and I really think that shared up my spirits. We do need some snow down here in the south of Sweden now, weather gods! My christmas mood is about to disapear and I am tierd constantly when it is barely light for a few hours a day even. And it feels like the day is just flying by without me getting very far in my thesis writing. Even though I dont spend THAT much time surfing around on the internet!

One thing that was really great yesterday though, that I almost forgot, was this:

Jonas Hassen Khemiri, the man of my dreams! ; )

He is a autor and a play-writer, who has written really good books about identity, language and the immigration and integration in Sweden today, in not so flatering words. He is also one of the most charming, seemingly smartest, and cutest guys I have seen.
I have seen him at a lecture at Växjö University a few years ago, then I fell in love for the first time, and then yesterday me and Sofie went to see him at a talk here in Malmö and he was still just as cute.
He was talking about rasism and the colonial heritage, how preceptions and jokes about diffrent people of other etnicities, who are considerd mainstream, are acctually racist and does make a difference on how the world goes around, when it comes to power and all that.
I dont know if this explination makes any sense, it is hard to give it back to you in english. But anyway, it was funny and at the same time scary to hear him tell about some of the things he experienced. The laugh got stuck in your throath as we say in Swedish.
Then when he was done everyone was lining up to buy some of his books that he had brought, and even though I shouldnt had cause I dont have any money I bought his last book, Montecore. I couldnt help it, when he signed it and all! Of course I couldnt come up with anything smart or funny to say when I stood infront of him so I just smiled foolishly. He could probably see all through me to my melting heart!
Ok, this sounds maybe a bit obsesed now, I am not really in love with him, and I am not going to stalk him down. But I do wish there was more men like him around, in the "real world", or my world.

It is really a roller-coaste
r this thesis. '
One moment I can feel pretty in to it, and feel like I know what I am doing and I am starting the analysis of the interviews with a lot of energy and a feeling that I acctually is on to something here. And then the next I dont have any inspiration at all, I dont understand what I want to say, what I have written before feels just like shit and wont make any difference what so ever, that I am just rambeling about trivialities when there is so much real injustices and discrimination in the world.
I will just try to make the good moments a bit more than the bad ones I guess, and get as much as possible done when they come.
Today I managed to go to the library at least, in time for those last hesitating rays of sun for the day. It was good, I always concentrate better when I get out of the house and in to a surrounding where other people are studying as well.

måndag 8 december 2008

books, tofu and some generall life questions...

I just feelt a bit sarcastic today, and then nothing is better than some Nina Hemingsson humor. It reads:
"This weekend we are just going to take long lovely walks in the forrest, make apple jam and bake, yes, we are just going to have it cosy together the whole family!"
"Thankyou, that is none of mine buissnes, but you should know that it is completly fine with me, I am not judging anyone!"

Lägg till bildI started reading a new book today, it is called The passion of new Eve, by Angela Carter. I have only read a few pages, and so far it is pretty horrible. I mean the narrative. It takes place in New York, in a undecided future where the whole city is about to collapse under violence and dirt. The blacks are getting armed and are building a wall around Harlem, and there is a guerilla group called The Women, who shot at men hanging around the pornshops. Sounds pretty exciting! I´ll keep you updated.

It feelt like it was appropiate to make this day a day for books then: Window 8
This is such a great page! It is a inspiration if you are about to go traveling in Europe, and and if you´re not, atleast for me, it is a place for dreaming away for some time about all the beutiful cities you could go, and the atmosphere where the books are.
And while we are talking about books, here is a bonus window

My flatmate Lisa came home from her work in a health food ware house today with a bit of a bonus. 67 packs of tofu that had a short date! So now we will be eating tofu for some months. The thing is that I dont know of so many things to make with the, so if you know of any nice tofu recepies, please share!

Once you are at it, you could maybe tell me what I am going to do with my life as well. I feel a bit lost and confused tonight. Maybe it has something to do with just finding out that my sister, who´s 19, got in to medecine school. I am really happy for her, it is what she wants and she has been working her ase off for this. Its just that now she knows what she will do for the rest 7 years, and then she will have one of the most respected proffesions there is.
It is of course a bit scary to have almost a decade laid out for you as well, and its not that I want to become a doctor. It just feels like I am hanging and dangling in the air without even knowing really what I want.
Most of the time I enjoy my dangling though, and I feel pretty happy with the little things, with getting time to be creative and see my friends and take care of myself. But there is always the issue of knowing there is a way to pay the rent, and also a bit of the expectations that comes from the whole big society mainly, and also, unspoken from parents and family. And I do also want to find something that I feel are fun and inspiering and that I can do well, and that will pay they bills. I am just not sure what that is yet.
Bleh, I dont know. It will probably feel better tomorrow. Or after I watch some True Blood and do some knitting. Maybe I should become a vampire. No one ever seem to have expectations on them, except for not getting their blood sucken out.

söndag 7 december 2008

lazy sunday

I am so damn tierd today, so this will just be a short one as well. I cant stop doing the advent calendar now when I have promised. So here is the window for today. Window 7

I am sorry that it is in Swedish, I didnt know what "korvmuddar" could be in english so that I could search for it. But I think it is pretty easy to figure out how to do them, and if you dont you can always ask. It is a really easy pattern, but it looks so cool. Something to start now and get finished for christmas without having to work your as of.

As a compensation for those who dont knit at all (start!) or just dont read swedish, here is some music as well. Bonus window
It is also a suede, but he sings in english. It is sweet and cosy, and reminds me of some nice moments in a tiny flat about 2 years ago. Greetings to Towe if she ever reads this.

I had a really nice Copenhagen day yesterday. First me and Sofie went to the Christiania christmas market. It was so lovely, and so well done and artfull things! And so much people! I dont think it would be so...established and so touristy. It made me wonder again about how Copenhagen will survive tourist wise if they tear down Christiana. Even if they "normalise" it wont be the attraction that it is today I think. We already have enough normal places in the world, why cant anything be alowed to be a bit unnormal and just unique and beautiful. That is what makes me feel so good about coming to Christiania, it feels like people have the freedoom to be like they are, and not have to fit in to some expectations and shapes and patterns with how to look, how to make their living or how to love and live. I am sure that people there and the community has its problem as well, but for me it is indeed a free town.

Then in the evening we went to Tivoli, and I met up with people from work. We were walking around there for some hours before going to the restaurant. It was all pretty and fun, with the colorful lights and all the different rides (the only thing I would set my foot in was the roller coaster, it looked fun) but the only thing it had in common with the Christiania market was that it was crowded. It all just felt so commercial and so somehow artificial all of it.

Then I catched up with the rest of the crew, who already had been dragged away to have some beers with the boss. We had a wonderful dinner at a really nice restaurant that I can recomend a lot in Copenhagen, called bof og ost.
It was located on a cosy little square on the side of Stroget. It was a bit pricy of course, but not so bad, and the food was just really tastfull and felt real fresh, and it was big portions as well.
The desert buffe was really something, you got an big silver tray with ten different small desserts, like chocolate cake, sorbets, pudding, chocolate mousse etc that all was very fresh, felt pure and delicious. Deffinetly enough for atleast 2 to share.
Then we ate and drank the whole night and had a good time, but I wont reveal any of the details here.
I am sorry for my crappy lanuage tonight, I am just to tierd to think really.
Over and out, good night!

lördag 6 december 2008

danish adventures

Here´s a nice picture of a advent calendar that I found. It is a bit hard to see, but it is a book shelf with the books as little windows with numbers on it to open for every day. Since I love books I would like a calandar like that, imagine if you would acctually get one book for every day as well!

This will just be a short note, I am off to Copenhagen to go to the Christiania Christmas market that opens today. You can read more about Christiania here, it is one of my favorite Copenhagen hang out places.
And then tonight I am going to Christmas dinner with my job, it will be interesting. I have heard that the boss are trying to drink everyone under the table on these occations, I have to try to go home early!

Just wanted to post the advent calendar suprise for today: window 6

It is something very jummy and traditional swedish christmasy. I try not be that stiffly tradiotional, but there is some preparations I really love, and yesterday I couldt help but making these. They are fun to cause you can shape them in all kind of arty and naugty ways!